WASHINGTON, DC—Loester Barfns, (pronounced Lester Barnes), has taken the political world by storm in announcing his entrance as a third-party candidate in the 2024 presidential race. Early in his running, Barfns faced a heavy amount of pubic backlash, particularly regarding his ability to perform as president due to his age. When asked in an interview with our reporters at Bif Weekly, Bigson had this to say on the matter: “I’m so young. I can’t believe it, I’m the youngest person. You know, I no more think of myself as being old than I am fly.” when asked to elaborate on that, Bafns responded with a simple “I won’t.” Barfns, 99, is campaigning to represent an often overlooked group of voters: ones that have been waiting for someone like him, older, white, a man, to run for president their whole lives. Polling opinions show that his campaign slogan ‘Change So Rapid It’ll Make you Barf…ns’ heavily appeals to voters, particularly 44-year-old Louis Baptiste, who expressed his desire to “see something new and fresh for the first time in a long time. New, too”, in a president. Baptiste’s family is Creole, and he expanded on their shared faith in the changes Barfns could bring to this country, especially in terms of intersectionality, something Barfns has extensively spoken out in favor of. In a 2023 interview with Buzzbee, he is quoted saying “Intersectionaliy is great. I think it’s groovy that some people can have so many things wrong with them, and sometimes other people who you wouldn’t expect to have something wrong with them secretly have the same thing wrong with them as the first set of people. It really is neat.” *
Some critics believe that Barfns does not offer any plans in terms of policy that particularly stand out against his opponents, Donald Trump, and Joe Biden. The Weekly Reporter asked him to speak on these critiques, to which he responded “Those guys, they’re okay. Me? I’m someone else. I do my own [thing]. I’m different.” Given his status as an older white man who grew up on the East Coast, we at Bif Weekly think it’s safe to say, this one’s different.
*This statement was later redacted by Barfn campaign representatives
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