(Satire) A deep dive into the new “Lyons Caste System”, addressing recent economic and security concerns

*◾symbols indicate information redacted by the office of Sir Dean Darnell, Allfather. “It’s really helped my productivity at school.” says Jane Doe, rising sophomore. “Since the rebranding, Wheaton College Massachusetts has become the Best School Ever!”  I met Jane in the Diana Davis Non-Political Coal Mine, rebranded from its bigoted, insensitive origins to now be …

Looksmaxxing: the Dangers of “Sexual Value”

Through such an accessible and influential platform as TikTok, and from a group of people as outspoken and sharp in their beliefs as incels, it is incredibly easy for trends to overtake large parts of the app and affect the culture of young people in significant ways. None in recent history have been so widely …

“The Most Fatal Disease”: The American Two-Party System

“Why do I have to vote?” “You’re an American, aren’t you?” I’ve had many conversations with Mr. Mac, my high school government teacher, that’d start this way. I’d question some part of the American governmental system, and he’d shoot back a sarcastic non-answer, smiling just wide enough to make his cheekbones shift in the way …

Opinion: Suppression of Postings

On February 20th, 2024, Darnell Parker, Dean of Students at Wheaton College, sent a message via email to the entire student body regarding a change to the posting policy, put into effect immediately. This change in policy has sparked much discussion and discourse around campus: Was this change in policy a defensive measure to avoid …

On Light Pollution

For twenty nights after becoming a student at Wheaton College, during not a single one did I sleep well. You may say this was to be expected, of course. As a college student, how could I think I'd find sleep so easily? With frat-boy wannabes dragging their furniture at every hour of the night, neighboring …